Two days ago I was at a funeral. Two days from now and it is Christmas day… and right now I’m feeling the tension of both.
Yesterday I was with a lady who lost her son this year. She just wants to stay in bed on Christmas day and wake up in the new year when it's all over.
I get that, I feel her pain.
My mum was a widow, in her late 40’s with three teenagers. I was 14 and facing my first Christmas without dad. That shouldn’t happen.
For many Christmas is not a red sack of surprises and joy but an unstoppable black locomotive train. Hurtling down the track and loaded with a cargo filled with sorry, pain, grief, regret, fear, anxiety and despair.
How did my mum manage?
I was too young to appreciate it back then…but there are three things that stand out:
1, She celebrated what she had.
Suffering has a way of altering the trajectory of our lives; gut wrenching, traumatic moments that rob us of tomorrows plans and force us to recalibrate what we have. Mum loved her boys and that first Christmas without dad she poured her life energy into the three of us. We opened our presents, went to church, she cooked the dinner, watched T.V and found some time to laugh and smile. She stood like a superhero against that locomotive and invested her day into her family. She fought the sadness… I remember her crying in the kitchen and I’m sure in private she cried a lot more but she would not allow grief to overcome her and more importantly her boys. She kept focus on us.
2, She invested her life into helping others who also suffered.
This was her life-song. She would get the bus to visit someone in hospital, walking to a sick neighbour’s home, go shopping for an elderly relative. She would sit with broken people, listen and love them. Pain and suffering unite people in a unique way. Group meetings like GriefShare.org are special places where you are reminded that you are not alone. A room full of strangers and one word like ‘cancer’ galvanises people into deep communities that you only find through pain. There is always someone you can bless: your pain, your suffering is a curse but it can also be a kind of gift to others.
3, She found God in the brokenness.
Not immediately, but in time… God began to answer her prayers and she began to hear his voice and find His hand in hers. The locomotive never stopped pulling up at her station but she learned not to unload it and wallow in it. She suffered in many ways in her short life but in every circumstance she began to know his presence in ways I have yet to experience. Mum found God in a valley of grief and pain that makes my mountain top moments superficial in comparison. He is ‘God with us’ in every situation, every place and everyday including Christmas.
C.S Lewis put it like this: “Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
What is the picture?
The picture is of a native American rug.
Traditionally the weaver leaves a blemish, a few strands lose at one corner. They do this because they believe that it is in the blemish that the spirit enters.
I like that thought.
And so my prayer for you all this Christmas:
Be thankful for what you have, find someone to bless and be open to The Holy Spirit invading your life through the blemish of pain and grief.
‘Behold a virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call Him Immanuel.’ Which is translated ‘God with us’ Matt 1:23
Mitch
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