Five big life lessons I learned over four weeks:

 

Four weeks ago today and a visit to the doctors ended up with a trip in an ambulance to the Royal Hospital. Reason? 

Potential heart attack.

It started three days earlier in Heathrow Airport at 7:15am. After a few busy days and an early start I was looking forward to catching up with friends at an annual retreat when I began to feel a tight pain in my chest, dull heavy ache in my left arm and needing to take occasional deep breaths. 

No fun.

I got some water and Aspirin from Boots and sat myself down in the airport thinking; This is gonna kick off! I might be having one!!

The pain didn’t get any worse than a 3/10 but I just didn’t feel right. I made a decision, (right or wrong) that if it gets to 5/10 I’m calling 999.

Over the next few hours the pain would come and go but never went above 3/10. I was in good company and I gave the lads a heads up that I was feeling a ‘bit fragile’. Wednesday and Thursday was much the same and feeling tired. 

Now back home, on Friday morning I went to the doctors. They wired me up to the ECG. They were not happy. Something didn’t look right on the ECG.

I wasn’t expecting to end up in an ambulance but off I went. 

Thankfully the reports were all good. Blood pressure, 3 blood tests, lungs x-ray etc. clean as a whistle.  At 5 pm I was sent home. What did they see at the doc’s? No idea; possibly a faulty reading on the ECG or maybe an answer to prayer enroute to hospital. 

So what was it / is it??

Inconclusive, possibly viral and/or a little bit of exhaustion/ stress related. (I think both). I didn’t go home healthy. I was still getting the pains in my chest, arm and tiredness.. until yesterday my first pain free day. I have still a few heart tests lined up at hospital but I now feel I’m finally on the mend. 

So the last 4 weeks i’ve had to take my foot of the gas, rest, listen to my body and make some lifestyle changes. I haven’t been off ‘sick’ I’ve just prioritised my world and I am deeply thankful for the Crown Jesus team, my family and close friends who have been a tremendous support.

Yesterdays was the first day I have had no chest pain. This morning a went for a gentle jog. My first exercise in 4 weeks. I haven’t posted about it on social media etc. I wasn’t going to either but then this morning I sensed in my spirit that it was important to share with others the lessons I have learned and the context of those lessons.

 5 lessons 

1, I was believing the lies everyone else says about me: ‘I am a machine.'

I have a reputation of going 110miles an hour, spinning lots of plates and pushing myself to the max.

Over time I started to believe the lies everyone else says about me; even my doctor. ‘You’re a machine’ heart rate 38 bpm at rest, run marathons with 8 weeks training, long cycles with little or no training, staying up to midnight, up at 6am doesn’t eat until 3pm most days but drinks 4 coffee’s. Out 4 night’s per week doing ministry and only taking 1/2 day per week. 

It’s sheer madness. I’m forever telling, even preaching to others to rest but I think I don’t need it. I was a hypocrite! I’ve been believing the lie and thinking:  ‘i’m not like others.’ I’ve got this.’ True: I do have a fierce capacity to work at another level. But I’m not a machine. 

When you are in Heathrow Airport and you think you might be having a heart attack… you suddenly realise. I’m human. 

Oh the frailty of life!

2, I have an unhealthy work ethic. 

No one forces it on me, I don’t do it to get approval from others. It’s not bad theology, it’s not bad leadership models or things I have inherited from parents. Its not that I think Crown Jesus needs me etc. It just me… I need to change my thinking on this. 

Here is an example:

Some years ago I heard Dr Dave Smith give a lecture on ‘The life of George Whitfield.’ It was brilliant! Dave’s last slide said this ‘George Whitfiled died at age of 56 having worn himself out in the Lord’s service!’ Everyone in the room was saying ‘wow! I don’t want to die at 56 worn out’… everyone except me! I was thinking ‘awesome! What a way to go!!’ You see what I mean? Unhealthy work ethic. Iv’e got to simple switch off more, including social media.  

3, My quiet times became a to-do list. 

I enjoy reading, praying, studying, reflecting and these encompass what may quiet time looks like; or at least should. However the last 18 months unhealthy habits have creeped in. As a result my 6am became a to-do list:

Finish the book

Prep for the sermon 

Plan, plan, plan.

Over 18 months my quiet time had been 1 or 2 degree of course and over a long period of time I am off course.  I was still praying but distracted by lists.

I now need to recalibrate by quiet times.

Over the last few weeks God has been teaching me about Sabbath prayer. ‘Be still…Rest…Shalom.’ (you can read more on Sabbath prayer in Roger Foster’s brilliant book simply called ‘Prayer.’ P98)

4, My diet and exercise has been shot to pieces. 

Three year ago I was at the gym regularly, cycling twice per week, jogging weekly and in the mountains once per month. This year: I cancelled my gym membership (too expensive) I’ve cycled maybe 10 times. I’m still ‘fit’ in comparison to others but it’s not just the physical it’s also the mental benefits. I need to look after the three of me: body, mind and spirit. I need to get that back. 

5, Embrace suffering.

‘The fact of suffering undoubtedly constitutes the single greatest  challenge to the Christian faith and it has been in every generation’ John Stott. 

Why God puts us through stuff is complex but there can be no doubt for me that the greatest lessons I have learned in life have not been in the mountain tops but in the valleys. God seems to use suffering to break our legs and make us lie down in green pastures. For that I am deeply thankful. I’m learning to embrace suffering. It has a purpose. 

Action plan for me: 

Rework my diary. I will now be off every Friday (if you are reading this help me out by protecting my Fridays). 

Eat breakfast.

Say NO more. If I say no please don’t be offended.

Get to bed earlier a few nights per week.

Sabbath prayer every morning.

One coffee per day, the rest decaf.

Accessibility: One of my biggest problems for me is being too accessible. e-mail, text, What’s App, Facebook Messenger, Insta Messages, Twitter private messages the list goes on. There will now be fixed periods in my day when I access these and times I will be off the radar.  If you want any ministry related stuff it MUST go via the Crown Jesus office. I won’t be saying yes on a text etc. Louise is my P.A. she picks up all e-mails and manages my world.

Exercise five days per week, cut back on the junk food and drink more water. 

Finally: find a little bit more time for me. I’m gonna learn to be a little bit selfish without feeling guilty. 


Hope this little blog helps some others. 

Please look after yourself. 

I am a former Foetus (fetus)

I am a former Presbyterian. Even saying that feels weird because it is so close to my heart. I'm deeply thankful for that period of my life. I wouldn't be what I am today if it wasn't for that moment in life. There is a very natural close bond and deep-rooted connection. As a consequence; I am quick to defend them and ask people to think twice before cutting them to pieces. I understand everyone's experiences is different, I'm not judging anyone…  I simply want to take a moment to celebrate my past and I want the world to know I'm cheering them on! I'm proud to be a former Presbyterian.

I am a former Firefighter. Even saying that feels weird because it is so close to my heart. I'm deeply thankful for that period of my life. I wouldn't be what I am today if it wasn't for that moment in life. There is a very natural close bond and deep-rooted connection. As a consequence; I am quick to defend them and ask people to think twice before cutting them to pieces. I understand everyone's experiences is different, I'm not judging anyone…  I simply want to take a moment to celebrate my past and I want the world to know I'm cheering them on! I'm proud to be a former Firefighter.

I am a former Foetus (fetus). Even saying that feels weird because it is so close to my heart. I'm deeply thankful for that period of my life. I wouldn't be what I am today if it wasn't for that moment in life. There is a very natural close bond and deep-rooted connection. As a consequence; I am quick to defend them and ask people to think twice before cutting them to pieces. I understand everyone's experiences is different, I'm not judging anyone…  I simply want to take a moment to celebrate my past and I want the world to know I'm cheering them on! I'm proud to be a former Foetus.

MY SON IS NOT LIKE ME! #DADCAMP

HE IS NOT LIKE ME

I was not what you would call a ‘baby person’. I wouldn’t jump up and down with excitement at the sight of a new baby, neither would I ask their weight or what time they were born at and I wouldn’t huff if I didn’t get a cuddle. Babies all looked the same to me and behaved the same; they ate, sleep, cry, wind and pooed. If a friend or family member had a baby I would do well to remember the sex and name, to be honest all the hype was just wasted on me I’m afraid.

When my wife became pregnant with our first son, all that began to change as something slowly began to awaken in me. I’ll call it my paternal instincts as I am not sure what else to call it but it was a nice warm feeling mixed with responsibility and duty. I would ride my motorcycle and all of a sudden feel like my family could suffer if I had an accident, I felt vulnerable. I began to watch baby programmes on T.V and even read books on fatherhood. I asked Pastors and church leaders for advice on managing my time between family and ministry. I liked the changes that were happening but I was however a little anxious, how would I cope with sleepless nights and nappies. My dad, so I am told, never changed a nappy once on his three sons. How times have changed; now a man is expected to fulfil all the duties of a women with the exception of breast feeding (thank God!) Apart from a baby in Romania (on a mission trip) I had never changed a nappy and that was just a wet one; what would I do with a stinker? There was every chance I would vomit over the baby.

The Ultra sound scan at 14 weeks blew me away. Some people told me I would see the baby’s head and body, others said I may not see much at all just a grey blob. Marcus Berkmann writes in his book entitled ‘Fatherhood’ that ‘this looks like a photocopy of a photocopy of an artist’s impression of a stoat’. So I didn’t go with any great expectations. All I wanted was a doctor to say that mother and baby are doing fine. But baby Noah decided to put on a show for mummy and daddy; we could see his hands, arms, legs the outline of a face and he wriggled and moved when we wanted him to and posed for a photo at the right times. Now all that was very cute but seeing the heart beat left me in awe, the beauty and wonder of human life. To be honest sometimes the doctor would point at the screen and say, “that’s the baby’s leg” and I would look and give a nod of agreement when I couldn’t make out anything, but other times when he would pause the screen I was mesmerised as I watched and saw the shape of our tiny baby. But the picture of the heart; seeing it beating on the screen, knowing that the baby was alive and well, that just made me want to throw a party.

Fast forward 13 years and he’s all grown up. He’s a best mate, but he’s not like me: He is good at maths, I only used maths to count from 501 down and end on a double 16. He can read a big book in one week with ease. I struggled to read a bi-weekly edition of the Beano in two weeks. He is good at long distance running, I was a sprinter. He is patient, me!? Lol. His temperament is not the same as mine.

He is not like me.

Last night in the prayer event for #JustOneBelfast at C.S Lewis Square I watched Noah. At the opposite side from me I could see him join hands with strangers and pray over our city… My heart skipped a beat as I heard a whisper in my soul: ‘He is just like me.’ ‘He’s made in my image, I put my Spirit within him. He’s just like me.’ After the prayer event I watched Noah and his sister laugh and jump around under the statue of Aslan and again I hear that whisper: ‘He’s just like me.’

Dad’s: let’s be carful we don’t make comparisons. To try and make our children fit our mould. They are your kids but they are not here to fulfil your unfulfilled dreams… and let’s never say ‘why can’t you be a ….. like your dad.’ Study your kids. The greatest gift you can give them and yourself is not riches, but revealing to them the love of God and releasing them to form into His likeness.

Thank God he is not like me. 



Mitch


Love ya Noah Mitchell for who you are.